Joshua's English Blog

The best gift I ever got was definitely the first non-hand-me-down video console which I've ever owned. My mom bought me my PlayStation 4 for Christmas of 2015 and that was a life-changing moment. I had lots of fun with that thing, but I think on a subconscious level, I treasured it more because I knew how hard my mom had been working to get it for me. That was a gift from the heart, and it meant a lot to me.  Mr. Rease wasn't here today. No telling where the guy's at but I hope he's okay. Today was a review day which mostly involved us answering a set of questions pertaining to The Color Purple . Lightwork, really. I hope it stays that way because these finals are no joke, dude.

One of my favorite YouTube channels ever is ZIAS!. I think Zias and B. Lou are just naturally two of the funniest people on the Internet when they're together, and their reactions to music videos are like comfort food to me. I never get sick of them boys. One of my favorite moments from the two of them is their reaction to Big Shaq's meme song Man's Not Hot which was popular ironically way back in 2018. They spent a quarter of the video clowning Chunkz for being nicknamed "Asznee" in the music video, and that specific snippet of the video always leaves me in stitches. The joke isn't even that funny but their laughter is so contagious that I can't help it. 

  I think I've largely gotten over my fear of being judged negatively by others. Obviously, the opinions of certain people still matter to me, but I've matured beyond the need to be perceived favorably by strangers. It doesn't really matter to me anymore. I've learned that one's own perception of themselves is what matters most since regardless of how many people you meet in life, you're guaranteed to die alone. It seems kind of pointless to obsess over something which is largely above your realm of influence like the hearts and minds of others. They either get you or they don't. That simple.

 Graduation, for sure. I want to be done with high school as much as anyone else. Can't stand this place. We'll be there before I know it, here's hoping. Today we received tutoring in how to be a better test taker and read more from The Color Purple , comparing the text to the same scenes portrayed in the film adaptation. I watched the reboot musical joint last year and I had never seen the 1985 Steven Spielberg original until very recently. It's hard to watch and hard to read. It's not unrealistic at all, either. I don't blame misandrists for feeling the way they do. Black men have a contemptible history of violence and exploitation against their female counterparts, as is seemingly the case in most cultures and races. It's wack. Controversial opinion, but I think it's wrong to rape, abuse, and exploit others. Please, hold your applause. 

 Oh, man. Like, everyday. I was formally diagnosed with clinical depression some time ago, and I've been off my antidepressants for around two months because I've just neglected to FaceTime my psych and get a re-up. Going to school is a battle in and of itself and I have to muster the resilience from nowhere just to keep myself from tweaking out on a daily basis. I'll be fine, though. I'm a gangsta, y'all know how I do.  I did my vocab homework and we've started reading The Color Purple in class. This book is an impossible read. It's so visceral and gut-wrenching and discouraging at times that it's hard for me to imagine anyone reading it for fun-for the love of the game. I want to call it trauma porn but I feel like that's a reductive interpretation of its narrative weight and undermines its startlingly accurate portrayal of black femininity, especially of the time in which it's set. It's a good book but...damn, man. You know?

I've never experienced a conversation which dramatically changed me much at all. I'm not trying to be that guy but it definitely feels as if every important or memorable dialogue I've shared with another person usually involved me dispensing some sort of wisdom to them and not the other way around. That said, I do remember this one time a couple years back when a friend of my mother's named Shawn drove me to Jamaica, Queens to get a haircut; and on the ride back to Long Island, maybe, he said something to the effect of "You can't lead someone else to food if you yourself are starving". To this day, that is still easily one of the most impactful IG captions I have ever heard someone speak aloud to me. Definitely altered my brain chemistry a tad. I haven't got a clue what we did on Monday because I wasn't there. I had it on good authority that we were supposed to come back on the 3rd, which definitely sounded odd to me at the time but I didn't qu...